Love note

Seven year itch? I’m not feeling it. (Technically, we’ll be married seven years this July.)

I don’t know that I’d describe marriage as a lot of “work” as some would, but more like a conversation that deserves your full attention. It’s give and take and ask and tell and laugh and cry.

I’m not always a perfect listener and Joe isn’t always a perfect communicator, but our conversation is always honest, sometimes really funny and definitely headed in the same direction. I like talking with this guy.

We got invited last minute to the Heart Ball this past weekend, a black-tie event that had Joe scrambling for an appropriate suit (The Backroom in Beaverdale to the rescue!) but holy smokes did he turn his look around quick. I got all gussied up, too (and even put on my own fake eyelashes, which really clinch a fancy look). Joe looked so good, he even let me take 17 selfies of us.

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I’m looking forward to our Valentine’s tradition of homemade heart-shaped pizzas, although I have to work late on Valentine’s this year!

P.S. I wrote a fun little column for LIFT Iowa about “work wives” this week

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Things I am the queen of

Are there ever weeks when you feel like people have the impression you’re a little more put together than you actually are?

Keeping it real with a list of things I might actually be the queen of.:

  • Reading texts, crafting the perfect response *in my head* and then completely forgetting to ever actually write back.
  • Piling clothes that I’ve worn but aren’t really dirty dirty in a pile on my dresser/chair/the sliver of space between my bed and dresser instead of hanging them up.
  • Driving around with letters/packages for friends in my car for weeks because I never seem to have a stamp or the ability get to the post office during normal business hours.
  • Singing lyrics just off-sync and with malpropisms galore.
  • Purse Rubble.

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I’m sure there are a million more… Maybe, treating Des Moines like it’s the set of Mr. Rodger’s neighborhood?

I am kind of excited/terrified that my stylist asked me to be in a photo shoot with her next week! I’ve been going to Mollie at Salon Spa W for probably at least seven years, and I always just ask her to make me look like a Real Lady. She does and I walk around looking chic for just about as long as it’s socially acceptable to not shower after my twice annual cut and style, but am pretty hopeless at doing my own hair. Thankfully, she’ll do a touch-up and  Justin Meyer will be shooting the photos. He did our family pictures this spring and is basically a magician.

Also, while I am on the Des Moines neighborhood referral train, I just started seeing Dr. Ryan Riley at Downtown Dental Care and recommend him. My mom is a dental hygienist and after 10 years of me living in Des Moines/her semi-retirement in Chicago, I figured it was finally time to not spend every visit home getting my teeth cleaned. I met Ryan through the Ephemera ladies back in the day and he opened his own practice in the Des Moines Building about a year ago in addition to working at the nonprofit dental clinic. He is perfect for the live/work/play downtown young professional crowd and has lots of experience seeing kids, too.

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Spread the happy

Sharing a few things that have brightened the past few weeks for me.

Winning the jammie jackpot

First, let me tell you I rarely win things. So I almost convinced myself it was a fake-out when I got a message from the folks at Hanna Andersson letting me know I’d won a $500 (!) gift card through one of their #happyhannas #hannajams contests.

img_1188Granted, it was like two weeks into 2017, but pretty much the best thing that’s happened to me all year.

Since I hit the jammie jackpot, I feel like I should spread the happy!
Comment on this post with something that’s made you HAPPY in 2017 for a chance to win a pair of Hanna Andersson baby jams. They make an amazing shower gift if you don’t have a little of your own. That’s how I got hooked! I’ll pick a winner at random on Feb. 1.

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If you’ve ever snuggled a kid in these clothes, you know how super soft and durable they are. My mom spoils the kiddos with them when she finds a good sale, and I do not complain. Since the baby jams are footless, they allow a little more room for growth, which I love. I’m going to be a little selfish and get a grown-up outfit, too, with my gift card.

More bright spots:

Refreshing the downstairs bathroom

This is our primary bathroom (we have a 2/3 bath upstairs) because who doesn’t love a clawfoot tub? Joe added on the shower when we moved in, but otherwise it’s just been the same purple hodgepodge since we moved in. Here’s the grody paint-prep before photo:

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And after:
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Mostly just a gallon of paint (Hotel St. Francis Spirit Blue which is actually not the paint I intended to go with, but that’s what you get for rushing a trip to the hardware store with a kid in tow), a new IKEA vanity (really a buffet) and bringing in accessories from other areas of the house. I whipped up a little runner for the vanity using fabric from Bonnie Christine’s Succulence line that I bought when Stitch was closing last year.

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I’d like to make a few tweaks like adding more art and a mounted necklace hanger, but having a vanity area is a game-changer. The art is a Bozz Prints piece that looks like it’s currently unavailable. Despite the color being not what I intended originally, I’m happy with how it turned out!

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Pairing treadmill time and podcasts
I need to do this more like 3 times a week instead of once every week and a half, because heading to the Wellness Center at work for speed walking on an incline while listening to a podcast is pretty great. I’ve been listening to Fresh Air, but branched out and tried Call Your Girlfriend, where I picked up the cute term “doing life admin” as a description of spending time paying your bills, making appointments, etc.

Hanging at ladies’ book club

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Being part of a book club (now several years strong) is incredible. It took us an hour and forty-five minutes to before we finally sat down to start discussing the book last night, but that’s part of what makes it so special.

I’m not great at making friend dates and look forward to these pre-planned nights. Honestly, I did not love Swing Time even though I had high hopes. Our next book is Lucky Boy by Shanthi Sekaran.

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We marched together

I wasn’t sure if I would be able to juggle two kids at the Women’s March on Saturday (Joe had to work the bike expo), but we made it out! After all, if my children are a reason I want to stand up for democracy, I can’t make them my excuse not to show up.

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We rode down and met up with friends, and it was encouraging to be among so much positive energy.

The highlight of the morning was when one of my friends asked Emmett “What are women’s rights?” And he responded – without prompting – “Human rights!”

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I’ve been feeling wary since the election, emotionally exhausted looking out at the uphill climb out of policies, de-funding and secrecy that are counter to what I feel make this country great. I’m scared, and furious.

But am inspired by the activism and calls to responsible citizenship that I’ve seen and I know I am able to act from a place of privilege. There are so many who have had their sleeves rolled up for so long and I hope everyone who marched is able to stay organized. {Thanks to a friend who shared some good posts (vol. 1 & vol. 2) on intersectional feminism!}

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Last Friday during the inauguration, I was at the YNPN Des Moines NON-CON, hearing presenters including Dr. Glennda Bivens present on topics of diversity, equality and inclusion, which felt like a good antidote to the rhetoric of the incoming president.

There are lots of sites out there with suggestions for “acts of resistance” beyond the march {my friend Norah pulled together a nice roundup} and I already have my legislators saves to speed dial. I don’t think anything will replace the need for deep and meaningful conversations.

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Image via @xo_lp who has a sweet printable you can turn into postcards to send to your representatives

A few weeks ago, I went to act on calling out companies that are advertising on fake news sites. I was surprised and dismayed to see ads for a local company I’ve had great interactions with on Breitbart. But instead of blasting a tweet calling them out, I decided to give them the benefit of the doubt and sent a private message, which was quickly answered. Turns out it was part of a “remarketing” campaign and their company was just following my cookie trail to any site I visited. They weren’t intentionally marketing there, and were really nice about the interaction. People! Conversations!

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The other piece is putting my money where my mouth is and trying to focus less on acquiring stuff and more on supporting meaningful causes and work. We have digital subscriptions to several news sites, are sustaining IPR members and subscribe to the New Yorker. I’ve made several first-time donations in honor of friends’ kind acts and response to discouraging policies.

Did you march? Looking to do more?

If you’ve never been to a “Day on the Hill” at the Iowa State Capitol, there are opportunities throughout session to support organizations and causes that are meaningful to you. DMU had our day today, and it was so much fun to see our students get excited about advocacy!

P.S. Fox Brewing is hosting Adulting 101: How to talk to your local legislators on March 5 and The Greater Des Moines Partnership is hosting an “Advocacy Essentials” workshop on Feb. 7 in the morning

 

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Cool things my friends are doing

I’ve taken a break from planning a gazillion events this fall, and it’s been pretty glorious. I’m channeling some of that energy into actually seeing my friends, and supporting initiatives other people have invested time and effort into. Celebrating some recent awesomeness out of people I know:

My friend Mike Draper (of RAYGUN fame) wrote a play!

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I love that Mike is a person who’s constantly working on projects that amuse and challenge him. The play, No Coast, will be performed at Grand View. (Speaking of – I was there last night for the Greater Des Moines Partnership’s Legislative Reception and am so impressed by their new student center and expanded community engagement.)

I got to hang out and have lunch with our friends the Forgraves in October when we were in Minneapolis and heard that Reid was going to have a major story in this month’s GQ magazine.

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Reid is a Mizzou grad (a few years older than me) and was the storytelling expert when I was at the Register. The Concussion Diaries, a story of a Des Moines-area football player who got CTE after playing through High School, is totally compelling. Another reason (besides Ryan Gosling #feministswag) to pick up the January issue.

Annnd, this time last year I was hiding in a storage room at the State Historical Building with my breast pump, trying to also host a conference. It’s a glam life. I had nothing to do with NON-CON 2017, but I bought my ticket and am totally pumped to participate as a regular old attendee. Joe is going, too, and this is pretty much the closest we’ll get to a Friday night date these days.

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If you work in the nonprofit sector and/or care about diversity, inclusion, equity and making our community stronger, this is the conference for you!

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Becoming a soccer mom

The majority of family videos from my childhood are really just hours of shaky footage of little kid soccer games. The recordings are essentially my dad yelling “GET TO THE SPOT” while he points the camcorder at a random spot on the grass and gestures wildly to my younger brother. We watched the tapes anyway a few years ago, when we were really missing him and just wanted to hear papa’s voice.

Emmett started soccer today, and it was honestly pretty emotional for me. My dad would turn 81 on Monday, but he’s been gone since 2003. In my memories, my dad wore two “uniforms” – either his work suit with a bunch of architect pens in the pocket, or his soccer attire, which consisted of a too-tight T-shirt and too-short Umbros. Last night, we made sure to get an XS pair in honor of Papa Rudy, so we could channel him in practice. My brother got him a ball and shin guards (the tiniest!) for Christmas.

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Soccer was background noise to my childhood. The TV was often turned to Telemundo with my dad cheering along with every GOAAAAALLLL! Papa was frequently yelling in Spanish at my brother’s club coach, while I hid behind a book as a bored sister on the sidelines. I did actually play my freshman year of high school (no-cut team!) just so that my dad and I might have something to talk about. Mostly, I planned the team social events and rode the bench, but it was a season of connection a few years before my dad died.

We signed Emmett up for the Junior Menace indoor league soccer for 3/4-year olds so he’d run out his wiggles in the depths of winter. (I have no designs on trying out for club teams and making my life revolve around my child athlete.)

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It’s weird to think about this morning as dipping my toe into the world of being a “sports parent”- especially since I think Emmett might be more of a theater kid than a jock. I’ve read a little bit about how being mindful of the way you talk to kids about their performance “I love to watch you” versus “You’re so good at,” or “You should have,” keeping the focus on the joy of the activity instead of their success.

The kids practiced ball-handing fundamentals and ran around in the HS gym at Central Campus. Emmett was a good listener and the exercise definitely tired him out.

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My eyes welled up as I watched him play in a newly focused little way, and I actually thought “Papa would be in heaven right now if he could see him.”  And, well, maybe he is.

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Books I read in 2016

Reading is my favorite luxury. That feeling of being transported while under a big blanket on your couch. I have this epic ability to tune everything out when I read (a talent which, if you are in my family, you don’t love). I always feel a little lost when I’m between books.

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I’m so thankful to be part of a ladies book club that meets every 6 weeks or so, a commitment to myself and to my friends to share thoughts and let the wine (and pizza) and conversation flow. I missed our last meeting and it feels like I’m a sailor who passed by a welcoming harbor without stopping.

If you’re looking for a book to pick up, here’s a recap of most of the books I read this year – I’m sure I am forgetting a few!

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I just finished Americanah by Chimamanda Ngozi Adichi and it was a terrifically “now” (although kind of pre-Trump “now”) take on race in America that also managed to feel like hanging out with a Nigerian-born college best friend and seeing the world from a different lens.

Over Thanksgiving and my grandpa’s funeral, I read “We are Not Ourselves” by Matthew Thomas. It was a story spanning an Irish-American woman’s life from the 1950s through 1990s and it wasn’t uplifting or groundbreaking, but it felt like being witness to a quiet family drama.

In October, I read “Homegoing” by Ya Gyasi, which explores the African slave trade and African American relations in a beautiful voice. I love books that take on multiple perspectives and the connect a whole lineage, and this was a fantastic, personal read that also helps show institutional racism.

Our book club felt the need to rate “The Argonauts” by Maggie Nelson on a different scale, because it felt important and provocative and existed on a more academic plane than most of the other novels we read. If you want to delve into some feminist theory and gender studies type of reading and gain a better understanding of “trans” people and relationships, it’s a book that captures that in personal and current way.

I likened “The Girls” by Emma Cline as eating a sour candy. It’s smoothly composed but has a sour, wicked plot. It’s one of the hot novels of the year and follows a teenager who gets swept into a Manson-like cult.

Devoured “Tuesday Nights in 1980” by Molly Prentiss. It’s bouncing between connected characters and set in New York at the turn of 1980 (at least so far) and big into the art scene at the time.

I loved “How to be a Person in the World,” a collection of Ask Polly advice columns by Heather Havrilesky. I’d press it into the arms of any woman navigating her 20s, who doesn’t mind a lot of eff-bombs.

I picked up Dear Mr. You” by Mary Louise Parker, in Cambridge and remember relishing it and the bliss of a kid-free Boston getaway. The actress presents a memoir in letters, it was one of those books that’s easy to breeze through, but you really want to savor.

I don’t think I got through all of them before my library loan expired, but I was captivated by the short stories in ‘A Manual for Cleaning Women,’ by Lucia Berlin. The NYT calls her stories “careworn, haunted, messily alluring and yet casually droll.” Spot on.

P.S. Lazy girl’s guide to east reading: Download the Overdrive app and you can rent e-books from your library from your bed. I’ll always prefer the real thing, but sometimes you need a quick/free fix. 

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P.P.S. Next up is “Swingtime” by Zadie Smith. Anyone have a copy I can borrow? I should probably buy it because I loved “White Teeth” and Zadie Smith, in general!

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